That is difficult to explain. Some years ago, I was very "grown up". I avoided everything, that could remember me to my childhood. I wasn't able to have fun with anything or anyone. I focussed on my school-education and I did everything to accomplish the expectations of others. (Some people described me as a vulkan -> Star Trek - Species without emotions)
And then, I came back to Disneyland. It was a birthday present and first I didn't want to go there. But when I came into the park, I went to the attraction Peter Pans Flight and there, I lost all my self-control and cried a long time. And then, all my feelings and my thought were about Peter. I didn't count how often I used the attraction in this 4 days - very often. And back home, I began to collect everything I could get about Peter. And I saw the film everyday, until the Video-cassette broke.
And I relearned, how to have fun and laugh, how to enjoy my live and that this is more important than that, what people expect from me. Important is, that I feel good with that, what I do. Now, I have to live for my own. I enjoy my job, and I am grown up to manage everything in my life. And on the other side, I do the things, for that I was to "grown up" in the past. Cosplay, painting, reading what I want to (like comics and mangas) and other things.
I am a child in my heart and in my head - forever. And my birthday is every year the tenth birthday.